Attack of the Christian Zombies (2000)

Attack of the Christian Zombies (2000) - Germany

Directed by: Patrick Woikowski

(Note: This review has been modified from its original state and features better quality screenshots.)

ABOUT THE FILM:

Attack of the Christian Zombies is a 12 minute short film that was made in the infancy of Henker Productions, when the creators were young (teenagers, reportedly).

Being so short, there isn't a massive plot present. But from what I can tell, it's basically about a group of Christian zombies who attack these metalhead teens donning spiky, Slipknot-esque masks as they crucify one of their friends in a dilapidated, run-down house, and then a series of very cheap and splattery deaths ensues.

REVIEW:

In an early version of this review I mentioned that I didn't have a PAL or multi-region VCR, which ultimately hindered the movie-watching experience for me. The image was so hazy, blurry and fucked up that most of the time it was impossible to see or hear what was happening. Thankfully I finally managed to get a PAL VCR for a decent price and got to watch the short properly. But at the same time, that horrible picture quality from before hand made the experience much more interesting. It felt like some lost homemade snuff movie no one was meant to watch. So what changed?

Well.. one thing sure hasn't changed from my original review. It really is still just silly amateur splatter trash. The film starts with some kid pissing blood into a toilet, only to collapse on the floor after. Then we cut to see someone's hand missing as blood spurts out of the stump. Then one of the kids walks into the other room to reveal someone crucified, and then stabs them in the leg with a knife. Then... well, something happens and then zombies! Quality storytelling.

There's no point in trying to seriously review this movie because it is basically just young kids messing around with a camcorder and some cheap gore effects. The effects, while not great, are a lot of fun and quite funny at times. As someone will be hacking at a zombie with an axe, you can just barely make out someone off camera squirting fake blood onto the corpse. It's cheap, it's grimy, it's short and it's fun!

I would recommend this, but unfortunately it's incredibly tough to find. Hell, I was lucky to even get a copy of it. For a long time, the film was actually considered lost, with zero trace or mention of it online, until it was finally found and released on VHS in 2018 with two other films from the creators.

RELEASES:

-The film was released in 2018 on VHS as part of a 3-movie collection called Henker Production: The Early Years, which featured three films from the early days of the studio:

    Der Henker (2003), low-budget slasher-splatter.

    Attack of the Christian Zombies (2000), short zombie splatter made by kids.

    Green Holocaust (2002), splatter short entirely animated with Legos.

This tape was strictly limited to 15 copies.