Zombarella's House of Whorrors (2019)

Zombarella's House of Whorrors (2019) - United States

Directed by: Tony Masiello, Tim Ritter

ABOUT THE FILM:

Zombarella's House of Whorrors is the ultimate love-letter to the shot-on-video, straight-to-video sleazefest movies of the 80's and 90's while also parading itself as an X-rated version of late night cable access television shows. Filmmakers Tony Masiello, Tim Ritter, and the elusive "Fred Olen Wood" were brought together after all having worked together on previous projects like the anthology Hi-8: Horror Independent 8. Tony approached Tim in 2019 and asked if he would like to make a short film for an upcoming anthology. Tim happily obliged and also sent Tony some old footage that had never been released before, with everything melding together into this tribute to b-movies and late-night television.

The movie plays out as if it were an actual late-night cable access show and does so quite convincingly, with more b-movie trailers and 1-900 number adverts than you can shake a stick at. But the main attraction is an anthology of three short horror stories by Tony Masiello and Tim Ritter, compiled into an anthology called Tales from the Mausoleum, as hosted by the sexy and well-endowed Zombarella! Held within this sleazy anthology are tales of killer dolls, horny aliens, cannibal vampire call-girls from space, a lunatic obsessed with castrating people and many more crazy lo-fi shenanigans!

REVIEW:

Zombarella's House of Whorrors proves successful as an homage to low-budget b-movies and to cable access television, however there are a few nagging flaws that bother me about it. The first time I watched the movie I wasn't a big fan, but after giving it another shot it grew on me and I began to appreciate it more for what it is.

All of the short films, fake advertisements and movie-trailers are a huge mixed bag in terms of quality, production value and entertainment factor. Most of them are solid with premises so ridiculous and cheesy (such as Cannibal Vampire Call-Girl Hookers from Outer Space) that they amount to being the film's best moments, even if they are just adverts and not part of the actual anthology. Some of the trailers and the adverts are compiled from really old footage so the picture quality may change a lot from scene-to-scene, but it's not detrimental and even gives the film more variety to aid the cable-access vibe it was going for.

But then a lot of the adverts get really repetitive and drawn-out, such as the gratuitous amount of 1-900 "adults only" adverts. It feels like they were being added a lot to pad out the runtime more, and they bring the pace of the film down as a result. If there were maybe 2 or 3 of these ads scattered throughout instead of how many are actually there, the pacing problems wouldn't be as nagging or noticeable.

The actual stories in the anthology are interesting and varied in terms of creativity, with my personal favorite being the Computer Date segment due to the writing and copious amounts of gore. Unfortunately most of the acting across all of the shorts is not good, so it was a little hard trying to get invested. I understand that most of these people were just friends of the directors who wanted to be in the movie and aren't professionals. There's nothing wrong with that, but it gets to be distracting at points. However, the acting isn't necessarily super important in a film like this, as the movie is fueled by its creativity. Hell, even a lot of the ads and fake trailers are very funny and well-made, like the one for Wee Willy Winky.

The movie is well-edited and put together, the camera, lighting and sound is consistently decent and a lot of the gore effects are pretty well-done! We get tons of deaths in here featuring castrations, decapitations, axeings, stabbings, guttings, more genital mutilation and so much more!

While Zombarella's House of Whorrors isn't perfect, it's a very entertaining viewing experience with so many different things to offer to its audience. It has sex, it has violence and over-the-top gore, aliens, killer dolls, laughs, and it does nothing more than aim to entertain. They weren't trying to make high art or anything, it's just a bunch of horror fans making stuff other horror fans would enjoy! And I would recommend any self-respecting fan of shot-on-video horror and b-movies purchases a copy.

RELEASES:

-Zombarella's House of Whorrors was released by Tony Masiello himself under his company SOV Horror in 2019. It was their second ever DVD release and is still available today for an absurdly low price at their website. Unfortunately that doesn't stop assholes from pirating his hard work and swapping it around on the internet for free. Not fucking cool, you guys.

I would highly encourage any fans of shot-on-video movies, sex, gore and trash to purchase the movie and anything else Tony has released because he puts in an endless amount of effort into every single release he does! You can purchase the movie here!

The DVD comes with an audio commentary from Tony Masiello, deleted scenes, a bunch of trailers for other SOV Horror releases and an episode of Tony's cable-access show Mondo Bizarro!

Paura il Diavolo (1992)

 

Paura il Diavolo (1992) - United Kingdom

Directed by: Darren Ward

MY 50TH REVIEW:

Before I get into the film itself I'd like to announce that I'm stunned I've made it to 50 reviews. I mean, technically I've already reviewed more than 50 movies/short films, but this is my 50th consecutive review posted, and I'm excited to share it with those who read what I post. For those of you who've stuck with me this long, thank you so much. If it weren't for you guys, this site wouldn't exist or would be completely dead, and I appreciate you giving my stuff a read. Now, let's get into the review proper. And it's the first British film I've reviewed too!

ABOUT THE FILM:

Darren Ward is a British independent filmmaker from the United Kingdom who first became interested in making movies in the late 1980's. He grew a love for horror and wanted to become a special effects artist, and would test out his skills on his buddies. When Darren was finished with school in 1989, he participated in helping make a local zombie film called Dead Time, and would continue to work on independent action and gangster movies for the next few years. In 1992, Darren Ward finally decided to set out and make films of his own, and Paura il Diavolo was his very first attempt at filmmaking. It was self-financed by Darren himself, with a budget of 30 GBP!

In Paura il Diavolo, Darren pays homage to the Italian horror films of the 80's, with his biggest influence on the project being Lamberto Bava's Demons. This 45 minute short film takes place over one dark, stormy night and follows a young man who returns home. The sky rumbles violently and something lands in the backyard in a fiery crash. The man discovers a bag with a note attached, warning him not to look inside the bag as it holds the spirit of an ancient evil. The recipient is advised to destroy the bag as soon as possible. Unfortunately our lead doesn't heed the warning, and undergoes a transformation into a hideous beast hellbent on killing all in its path!

REVIEW:

Similar to My Lovely Burnt Brother, Paura il Diavolo is one of the first underground films I ever saw and it's one of the films that pulled me deeper into the scene in the first place. So I will always appreciate Paura il Diavolo for introducing me to the scene, but the film is not free from flaws.

You may notice that my screenshots are incredibly dark and blurry. Usually I would blame the poor quality on the copy of the movie that I used for review, but in actuality Paura il Diavolo is just incredibly dark and murky. The lighting, or lack thereof, is by far the film's biggest problem. Sometimes it's so dark that it's impossible to see anything, and the lights that we do see are so oversaturated and bright that they make the film a real eye-strain.

The story is extremely simple, cliché and derivative of other films. Hell, sometimes the influence is blatantly obvious. The entire transformation scene was inspired by Bava's Demons, and there's one scene where a character is watching Argento's Opera on the TV, right as the film reaches the infamous eye scene. Hell, even Paura's title is an homage to the Italian horror films of the 70's and the 80's. But the story itself is so slowly paced, it could have easily been from 20 to 25 minutes long. There's not much to say about the acting because the film has very little dialogue, but what we do hear is hard to make out, mainly because the cast members all have thick British accents and the audio quality is poor too.

Probably the film's biggest strength is the special effects and the make-up. Considering the obviously low-budget, we get some decent gore and blood effects including plenty of stabbings and an exploding chest near the end. The demons inside the bag look pretty silly, but the monster himself actually looks really cool. If I saw that fucking thing in the dark I would probably shit myself and then promptly run for my life. The stand-out effect is the demon's transformation, as it's very well-done with some pretty nasty close-ups on the demon's claws growing from under the man's fingernails.

Paura il Diavolo is a very flawed short film and I can really only recommend it to SOV enthusiasts and underground horror collectors. But in the end I was still able to find some entertainment in it and I appreciate it for piquing my interest in underground gore and horror cinema.

RELEASES:

-Paura il Diavolo was first released on VHS in 1992 by Darren's company Giallo Films, but this tape is extremely rare and near impossible to find. This is the original version that included copyrighted music from the band The Cult.

-A re-edited version of the film with a new score and music was released on the German released Darren Ward's Three Tickets to Hell in 1997 by Incredibly Strange Video. The tape also came with Ward's first feature Blue Fear and his short film Bitter Vengeance. This specific VHS was the source used for this review.

The Norwegian Drillbit Massacre (1988)

 

Den Norske Drillbor Massakren (1988) - Norway

Directed by: Jon Christian Møller

ABOUT THE FILM:

The year was 1988. It was a decent year for horror films. It's the year that we got such classics as Child's Play, Night of the Demons and Brain Damage. It's also the year that gave us what is, in my opinion, one of the better 80's shot-on-video horror movies, 555 by Wally Koz. We also got a few more decent SOV's like Twisted Issues, and a couple of turds like Death Nurse 2. Meanwhile, in Norway, a teenager named Jon Christian Møller, armed with nothing but a camcorder and some butcher refuse bags, made zero-budget movies out in the forest with his friends. Jon didn't make movies for any reason other than to entertain himself and his friends. But somehow, these movies made it farther than their homes.

The Norwegian Drillbit Massacre doesn't have a plot. Some schmuck in a white mask with really long brown hair runs around decimating people with a power drill. He comes across cyclers, punks and scum and just mutilates them in really violent and juvenile ways. This goes on for the whole movie until two random characters, some guy named Dr. Døllshit and a girl, put up a fight with the lunatic, tie him up and torture him to death with fireworks. Having defeated the menace, the two walk away from the scene holding hands.

REVIEW:

What Norwegian Drillbit lacks in story, it makes up for in being so badly made and ridiculous that it becomes lovable. It's inept and silly but at the same time it's so entertaining that I really can't bring myself to hate it. It's also similar to Live Undead (1991) in the sense that you can watch it and feel oddly nostalgic, as if you would have made something just like it as a teen with your friends. Running around in the woods, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, cycling, reading porno mags you probably stole, playing soccer and getting killed by drill-wielding weirdos. Who else can relate, am I right?

Well with the nostalgia-bug qualities aside, let's take a look at the actual movie. It's very, very bad in almost every way. The camera work and the editing is a mess. There are several shots where the actors laugh, stifle laughter or stare at the camera. Every other shot is followed up with half a second of outtake footage or alternate takes. The camera jitters so much you'd swear the camera person was running off of little sleep and a lot of coffee. The credits are typed out over a computer or a TV screen. Shots will randomly shift into slow-motion, even when it doesn't make any sense. But all of these bad qualities make the movie really funny and even charming in a way, and it's never boring despite having plenty of scenes where characters do nothing. Hell, you could even making a drinking game out of this thing. Take a swig every time you see a random person riding their bike or staring at the camera.

The kills are twisted and juvenile in theory but they're so badly executed that they're almost guaranteed to make the viewer laugh. Random kids and teens are chased down and drilled in the stomach or back, one gets a drill to the ass cheek and another gets his manhood destroyed by the tool. And all the while this unidentifiable meat is spilling out of the actor's shirt or pants, covered in what looks to be red syrup. One of my favorite kills takes place when a kid with the ugliest, most obviously fake wig is playing with a soccer ball and running around in the grass behind a building. Suddenly, the killer leaps down from a tree and falls on the kid to kill him, while hitting him so hard that his wig flies off of his head. That nearly killed me from laughter.

If this movie were more widely available, I could definitely see it being one of the more well-known bad 80's SOV's. After all, it's only the best SOV where a teenager is actually tortured with fireworks. It needs to be seen to be believed, and I would encourage any SOV enthusiast to hunt down a copy.

RELEASES:

-I'm not sure where you could get a legitimate copy of this movie, but I've seen it floating around as part of a bootleg DVD with Jon's other movies, under the name Videogore.

Homecoming (2018)

Homecoming (2018) - Finland

Directed by: Esa Jussila

ABOUT THE FILM:

Homecoming, or Kotiinpaluu in Finnish, is the latest film from filmmaker Esa Jussila, who has graced the vibrant and thriving Finnish indie scene with incredibly gory and violent yet entertaining and well-made movies. Some of his best work includes stuff like Trans*, Parasite Quarantine and Goremageddon 1 and 2. He has another movie that looks great but I haven't seen yet, and that movie is They Rest in the North. Perhaps that'll make for a future review..

Anyway, Homecoming is Esa's latest short film that was made from 2016 to 2018. The movie tells the story of a group of career criminals who have given up on their devious occupation, leaving it dead and buried along with one of their former associates. The group of men try to go on with their lives, trying to come to terms with the fact that they'll have to live with their crimes. But one night, they get a call from the associate they believed to be dead, and things turn ugly fast..

REVIEW:

I admit that I've been following the director, Esa Jussila's work for a couple of years now and have always loved his output. His movies are endlessly entertaining on top of being incredibly well-made, and I never thought that Goremageddon and Goremageddon 2 could ever be topped.

But then I saw Homecoming.

Wow. This movie left me dumbstruck, and in the best way possible, because this movie is damn near perfect. Whereas Esa's other films like the Goremageddon duology and Parasite Quarantine had endless over-the-top and fun gore with a fun story, Homecoming drives itself on telling an engaging and powerful story that's aided by the brutality rather than built around it. The movie doesn't have a lot of dialogue, but it does an incredible job telling the story and developing its characters through its visuals. As the movie progresses, everything slowly begins to unfold and to tie together and the ends in a massive punch to the gut. On top of the top-notch writing and screenplay, the actors play their characters flawlessly and give chilling performances.

One thing I've seen in a lot of thrillers and crime films is that the music sometimes can be very overbearing to the point where it ruins the atmosphere. Not this time. The music is added in subtly and when it kicks in, it matches the scene perfectly and further builds the atmosphere. The movie may not be a splatterfest, and the gore may be sparing, but the gore that we do get is downright brutal; it's executed so beautifully and the special effects are realistic, compared to the cartoonish gore in Jussila's previous films.

But the real show-stealer in this movie is the visuals. This movie builds an incredible atmosphere with its lighting and its coloring. The lighting is gorgeous and the camera work is so smooth and sharply done; Homecoming is a very polished film from top to bottom. I have no idea what kind of budget the crew was working with, but they worked miracles with it when making this movie.

Homecoming is just further proof that the Finnish know their stuff when it comes to not only making horror movies, but making movies in general. I still haven't seen a movie from this country that I didn't enjoy, and would definitely like to review more of them in the future. As fun as German splatter can be, Finnish gore and horror films may be over-the-top also but are usually better-made and have excellent production values. Finland, my hat's off to you. And I thank Esa Jussila for making such a great movie.

I can not recommend this movie enough. Please watch it.

RELEASES:

-Homecoming was released on DVD in Canada by D.I.Y. Productions in 2021. The extras consist of a behind-the-scenes featurette, and two bonus short films called Rajalinja and Pussy With An Uzi. This DVD release was limited to 25 copies. 

-The movie is available to watch on YouTube for free, with subtitles! You can watch the movie here.

Blutbad Productions Triple-Threat!

Hello everyone. In my first review of the year 2021, I'll be returning to an indie film group whose movies I kinda shit on in some of my earliest reviews. That film group is Blutbad Productions, a small company from Austria that used to make zero-budget gore shorts in the mid to late 2000's. Their films are pretty rare and it took me a while to finally hunt some of them down and see them. Unfortunately, the ones I have seen were very disappointing and didn't inspire a lot of hope in checking out their other work. But eventually I did find copies of the rest of their movies and decided to finally give them a look.

What are my thoughts? Well, let's see..

A Guads Neix Joah (2005)

This is the first ever film in the very small Blutbad Productions library. It came about very spontaneously one night, when the two filmmakers suddenly decided to make a gore film.

The "story" goes that it's New Years Eve, and on a night of celebration and wine-drinking, two buddies sit down and watch some gore movies. They put in a DVD copy of Sebastian Zeglarski's short film Goretrip (2005). They fire up the movie and Goretrip's metal soundtrack blares through the speakers. The camera pans across the room, showing the many posters on the walls, including a lot of Olaf Ittenbach movies.

While watching the movie, an argument breaks out over who gets the last of the wine. The one in the glasses attacks the other and starts punching and kicking him. This escalates to the guy hacking away at his friend's arm with a meat cleaver, before cutting his stomach open and then going on about his night.

There's not really a lot I can say about this one. The metal music playing over the top of it is fine, but the rest of the short is just so silly and poorly filmed with poor lighting and the some unconvincing gore effects. Now, this short is not meant to be taken seriously, and was obviously only made for fun. Nothing wrong with that, but the end result is only minimally entertaining.

Directed by David Mayrhofer.

I Cut My Hand (2005)

A man very slowly cuts his hand open. The loud techno soundtrack gave me a headache. Next.

Directed by David Mayrhofer.

Revenge Beyond Death (2006)

Finally, a Blutbad Productions movie that was kind of worth sitting through! Granted, I'm not sure if I'll be watching it again, but hey it's a start!

This 28 minute short has by far the most plot out of any Blutbad Productions movie. A group of guys set up camp in the middle of the woods, where they smoke a lot of cigarettes and drink a boatload of beer. A couple of the guys to go looking for something, leaving three of the others at the camp site. In a drunken fit, two of them get into a fight and one ends up accidentally killing the other by hitting him in the head with a rock. Him and a witness try to cover up the body by putting a plastic sandwich bag over his head and burying him in leaves. The group comes back and they find out what happened, but decide to forget about it. One year later, they revisit the forest for another party but this time, the man rises from his shallow grave and sets out to get his revenge..

That was almost a long plot description for this fairly short movie, but even then the story isn't anything we haven't seen before. In Revenge Beyond Death, he characters don't really have any personality other than getting so drunk that they don't realize they may be hurting their peers, but a lot of character development isn't really necessary for this short movie. I also find it funny that after sitting under leaves in the forest for a year, the killer's body hasn't decayed at all, but that's kind of nitpicky. 

The acting and sound mix, like every other Blutbad movie, is poor at best so it's not really worth discussing. A lot of the gore and the carnage is offscreen, and we usually only see the aftermath. However, the gore that we do get to see is decent by amateur movie standards. It's probably the best gore these guys have done.

Revenge Beyond Death may not be the greatest thing ever, but it's the only Blutbad movie I can truly recommend. If you wanna kill half an hour, you could definitely do worse than this.

Directed by David Mayrhofer.

CONCLUSION:

The last film that Blutbad Productions released was Schlampen Schlächter, released in 2006. There was going to be a sequel, and that DVD even came with a trailer for the sequel, but I don't think it was ever released. They also have a short film called Sick Man, which came as part of the German short film collection Masters of Trash. They also had another film called Rape My Innocence which I believe was made around 2007, but the only evidence of is existence is a trailer on YouTube and nothing was released other than that trailer.

Even though I may have been disappointed by Blutbad Productions' short films, I'm glad I at least got the chance to finally see them. These shorts are pretty tough to find and even to this day, underground amateur-splatter fans are still talking about them, and there are quite a few people who like these shorts. That's awesome, and I'm glad people can enjoy and appreciate them for what they are.

RELEASES:
-A Guads Neix Joah was released on DVD by Blutbad Productions in 2006, and comes with burnt-in German subtitles. Extras include the I Cut My Hand short, a Making-Of FX segment, and a few trailers for other Blutbad releases.

-Revenge Beyond Death was released on DVD in 2006, but the DVD comes with just the movie and no extras.